


Prompt Mash-Up

by endemictoearth



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Bullying, Conversation Porn, F/M, Heart-to-Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-04-08 12:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4304427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endemictoearth/pseuds/endemictoearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After their break-up, Finn hears Rae getting a hard time from Simmy and his mates. While deciding whether to step in, Liam comes to her defense. Later, in the common room, Simmy bothers her again, and Finn doesn't wait to intervene this time. Then, he and Rae have an honest talk about what happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prompt Mash-Up

**Author's Note:**

> I've never given this a proper title, but it is the result of two Anonymous prompts on Tumblr. 
> 
> 1\. "If you have the time, can you do a prompt where Rae is getting teased at school and Finn sees and thinks whether or not he should step up but it’s too late bc Liam is there. But it happens again two weeks later and Finn moves to help without doubting and they slowly but surely get back to how they were?”
> 
> 2\. "Finn at college after deciding he can’t be friends with Rae and acts very closed off until he hears Simmy making fun of Rae and their relationship and pretty much has a moment similar to episode 3 of season 1 except Archie and Chloe have to pull him off (or anyone really). And he can’t help but let out his feelings to everyone in front of the campus about their breakup?"

Finn rarely felt he had any ambition in life. He wasn’t driven to do well in school like Archie. He didn’t have a passion for anything like Chop did for motors. He liked music, but he didn’t feel compelled to make his own, he was happy enough to hum along to the tunes of others. The only time he’d felt like he found his purpose was when he was with Rae. And, looking back, they hadn’t even been together that often. But in those brief couple of weeks between her confession and her sudden break up, he’d felt like he was doing what he was meant to do. Be with Rae.

So, now, he drifted, more aimless and numb than before. She was giving him space, respecting his decision for them not to be friends. He’d said “right now” but he couldn’t see how they would ever be friends. It was like that with some people: all or nothing. They hadn’t really ever been just friends. Friendship was part of what they had been to each other, but he’d discovered Rae was right. It wasn’t that simple. Because with his friends, he felt at ease, relaxed, but with Rae, there had always been a charge in the air, something keeping him alert and aware. It wasn’t relaxing being with Rae, but it was exhilarating. 

He hung out with Chop and Izzy a lot. Sometimes Chloe would have a drink with them at the pub, but Archie hadn’t shown his face very often. The few times they’d talked in the hallway between classes, Archie’d said something about having loads of homework. He always said he’d try to make it out, but it had been weeks since Finn had seen him outside school. 

And Rae? Well, for a bit it was like she’d disappeared, too. Again. As sad as he was that they weren’t together, he still had this admiration for her. And he didn’t understand how someone who was born to stand out could disappear so often. He was grateful for it this time, though. He wanted to try and get over her. He had to try.

After that day in the common room when she’d disappointed him by playing Backstreet Bullshit for Stacey Fucking Stringfellow, of all people, Finn really didn’t mind not running into her for a bit. If she could hang out with Stace and her pack of lackeys, maybe Finn had been wrong about her. But then, she went underground again and he didn’t see her again until a couple of weeks later. 

She was in the hall outside the library. No one ever went in there unless they have a damn good reason. Finn had been sent by a teacher to get some book for a paper they’re writing. He wasn’t even paying attention when she asked, so he got picked because he seemed the least interested in getting out of class. He took his time, his gait slow and loose, arms swinging. It was nice to not have anyone trying to talk to him or catch his eye. Even though it seemed hardly anyone knew he and Rae had been going out before the incident in the toilet, now EVERYONE knew they’d broken up and girls were pestering him right left and center. When he got to the hallway near the library, he could hear voices. 

“Just leave me alone, alrigh’?” That was Rae. He’d recognize her voice no matter what or how she said something. He tensed up, unsure what to do.

“Oh, come on. We’re only havin’ a laugh. Let us see what’s in your bag. You don’t have anythin’ to hide, do ya?” What the fuck? Finn thought. He quickened his pace and just as he got to the corner to see who was bothering her, he saw Simmy and one of his mates backing away from Rae and another bloke. That tall kid who seemed off-kilter. What was his name? Luke? Liam? That was it.

“Piss off, you filth, or I’ll garrote the pair of ya. I’m just crazy enough to do it, too,” Liam declared in a confident brogue, making his eyes wild and wiggling his long fingers.

They walked off, shaking their heads and muttering oaths as they passed Finn. Finn ducked back down the hallway, but strained to hear what else was said.

“Thanks,” Rae said softly. “You didn’t have to do anything.”

“No, I didn’t, but I like rattling the wankers. Keeps ‘em on their toes. I’m off for a smoke, y’want one?”

“Nah.” Finn exhaled. He didn’t know why it made him relieved that she wasn’t going with him, but it did.

Then Liam said, “So, I’ll see ya after school, yeah?”

“I’ll be there,” Rae exhaled. “Same time, same place.”

“Crackin’. Maybe I’ll rattle the old man a bit today, too.”

“How’s that diff’rent from every week? You should leave ‘im alone. He’s alrigh’. He means well, unlike most people.”

Finn didn’t know what to make of this exchange. They were meeting after school, which made his stomach drop to his knees and his heart constrict. But who was this old man? Didn’t sound like a date or anything. 

“Can’t make any promises, darlin’.”

He heard Rae scoff and Liam chuckle.

Then he heard footsteps and decided to pretend he’d just come down the hall. Liam gave Finn the raised eyebrow salute fellow students who had no beef with each other did when they floated past one another. Finn nodded, but his face wore a scowl. As he rounded the corner, he saw Rae’s figure going into the library. He paused to give her time to get ahead of him. When he walked through the doors, he glanced around and saw her heading up to the second level to sit at a table, her eyes darting around guiltily. He walked to the librarian and handed her the notecard with the book title and author and waited while she sent some spotty kid who volunteered on his free period went off to find it. 

He looked at the carpet, at the counter, his shoes, but willed himself not to turn around and look up to find where Rae was sitting. He didn’t want to have her actively ignore him. It was fine if she did it unconsciously, but if their eyes met and then she pretended not to see him, like that day in the hall … that’s what really hurt. When she purposefully shut him out, kept him at arm’s length. He would be damned if she did it even after she broke up with him. 

Spotty handed him the book and Finn turned on his heel to walk out. His eyes betrayed him and drifted up to see where she was, but she wasn’t anywhere to be found.

* * *

He didn’t go to the pub that night. He stayed in listening to old records. Nothing he’d ever listened to with Rae, but even the songs he didn’t share with her seemed to tell their sad story over and over. 

He realized now that he hadn’t really dealt with any of it. He hadn’t fought for her; he hadn’t demanded an explanation. He’d just shut off his brain and drank pints and rolled cigarettes and wrote his stupid essays for stupid school. 

He couldn’t talk to anyone about it. How could he explain that he felt like a kid who’d wanted to join the army his whole life, only to be told he couldn’t because he had flat feet? That he felt he had been denied his destiny on a technicality? They’d think he was mad. He thought he was, anyway. 

After he’d returned Bowie and the other CDs she’d left behind, he found her hair clip down the side of his bed. He’d turned it over on his palm, twisted it between his fingers, debating what to do. He could just throw it away. It wasn’t special, apart from belonging to her. He could return it, but that would probably look sad and pathetic. He ended up placing it in his bedside table drawer, telling himself he was deferring a decision, but knowing he was keeping the only part of her he could.

* * *

Another humdrum numb week passed: college, pub, home, tea, telly, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat.

It was his free period. Rae had the same one, they’d matched up timetables at the beginning of the year, so they could hang out together, a fact that made his heart ache to think about. Still, he never ran into her. She seemed to be good at hiding herself away. 

He was sitting in the corner of the common room, listening to his walkman, when he heard a commotion that made him lift one of his headphones to see what was going on. There was some altercation in the hall, raised voices. He had just decided to stop his music and get up, when the altercation came to him. 

“Oh, so this is what you’ve been hidin’ away, Magic Fanny? No wonder you’re such a lard ass, eatin’ this lot.” Simmy was swinging a carrier bag in front as Rae stumbled backward into the common room. “Jus’ give it back, alrigh’?” she stuttered, her voice breaking. “I jus’ want to be left alone!”

“Well, you’re on you’re way to bein’ alone forever, chokin’ down all this!” Simmy laughed and looked at his mates, who joined in nervously. 

Finn didn’t even realize what he was doing until he was doing it. He’d marched across the room and smashed that ginger twat right in the nose. A growl came from the most primal part of him, “You shut the fuck up about her.” 

Simmy grabbed his nose and when he looked at his hand, there was blood on it. He finally yelped in pain and said, “I’m tellin’ the headmistress!”

“Go ahead and tell ‘er, mate. I’ll tell her you were bullying, and you’ll get more time off than I will.”

Simmy flinched when Finn leaned in to deliver his message, “If you EVER talk to Rae again, about anything, and I find out about it? You will fuckin’ regret it.” Finn leaned back. “Now fuck the fuck off.”

Simmy and his crew scarpered. 

Rae stood stock still, trembling, wide-eyed. Finn glanced at her, then back at his hands. 

“I don’t wanna make a habit of this, alrigh’?” Finn said quietly. “But if they bother you again, let me know.”

“I wouldn’t want … I don’t think they will. But thanks. Thanks again.” Rae’s voice was quiet, too. She looked around. So did he. There were Chloe and Archie. And Stacey and her new mates. “I’m really sorry,” she said.

“For what, Rae? You’re sorry for those twats bullying you? Or something else?” Finn’s throat felt thick and raw; his voice sounded choked. 

“I-I’m sorry for everything. For every single thing I’ve ever done.” She looked down, and he saw a fat tear fall from her eye and splash on the carpet.

“Even for the good things?” he whispered. 

Rae sniffed. “No. I’m not sorry for them. But, I’m sorry for you. For what I did.”

“Why did you do it, Rae?”

She shrugged again, and Finn felt a flare of anger rip through him again. “That’s a load of bollocks, Rae! You must have a reason for why you did what you did. Why you left.”

Rae looked around at everyone, fear behind her eyes; Finn had forgotten they weren’t alone, but he didn’t care.

“Just tell me, Rae!” 

Rae’s voice dropped to a whisper, but no one made a sound, so everyone could hear her: “Okay, fine, but not here.” 

“No. Here. Now.” Finn sat down on a sofa and gestured for Rae to sit, too. She perched on the arm of the sofa opposite and fiddled with the long strap of her backpack, looking at her hands, avoiding eye contact with Finn.

“Don’t you get it?” she asked quietly.

“No, I really don’t. I thought everything was great. Well, maybe not great, but fine. And then you turn up with my jacket and say you just wanna be friends!”

“Finn, the summer was … amazing. I wish it could’ve lasted forever. But we don’t make sense when we’re not alone together. Put us out in the world, and we’re like a freak show. Well, I’m the freak and you’re my handler.”

“Stop it, Rae, STOP IT,” Finn could feel he was crying now. His throat was even rawer, and he inhaled a jagged breath. 

“I was embarrassed for ya, Finn, for having to be seen with me. I tried to tell ya in the toilet, but then … you kissed me and called me a dickhead. And everyone thought we’d been at it. I can’t live with that kinda scrutiny, Finn. It makes me itchy, itchy to …” Rae broke off. 

“To what?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Rae replied too quickly. 

“Damnit, Rae, it DOES. It MATTERS. YOU. MATTER.” He turned away, and noticed everyone who was in the common room glance away. Maybe she was right, they should have gone somewhere more private. When he turned back, she was standing again, ready to run. 

He stood up, too, and said, “Come on, let’s go outside.”

When they got outside, Finn looked over at the windows of the common room and saw almost every person in it pressed against the glass, hoping to see the conclusion of their fight. Talk. Whatever this was. He put his hand on her shoulder to guide her to a table out of sight, next to a tree. 

They sat across from each other, and Rae wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Rae. Please. Talk to me. Did I do something wrong?” That was the question he’d asked the night she left. It had been hanging in the air between them ever since.

She exhaled and it sounded like a cross between a sigh and a sob. “No. Of course not. You, you’re … you’re so perfect, Finn. I don’t know why I ever thought it would work between us.” 

He shook his head. “I’m not perfect, Rae. No one is.”

“Well, whatever. And as good as those times we were alone were, even that wasn’t going to last. So, I figured … stop it before we got too far, before we couldn’t make our way back to friends.”

“Why weren’t the good times going to last, Rae?” Finn’s voice was shaky; he could hear it crack and creak out of his vocal chords.

“Because I can’t … I can’t be what you deserve. I can’t even be naked in front of myself, and you were going to want to do stuff, and …”

“You didn’t want to do stuff?” Finn whispered. 

Rae shook her head. “I did! But I’d get so far, and just think … I dunno.”

“I never would have made you do anythin’ before you were ready, Rae,” Finn felt defeated. Like there wasn’t any way past this. She seemed so determined to come up with reasons why they couldn’t work. 

Rae let out a little weep, but then took a deep breath. “I know that, Finn. But what if I wasn’t ever ready? You can’t wait forever. I’m not worth it, anyway.”

“Why don’t you let me decide what I think is worth my time, Rae?” Finn snapped. 

She didn’t have a response, just stared mournfully at the table.

“Did you think about me at all before you did it?” he asked, voice rising.

Her gaze wrenched up to look at him. “What do you mean? Of course I did! It was because of you I did it!”

“That’s not true, Rae. It can’t be, because I didn’t want to break up. If it was because of me, we’d have talked about it and we wouldn’t be having this conversation with half of the upper sixth staring at us from the bloody common room.”

Rae jerked her head over to look at the window. They were too far away now for anyone to decipher what they were saying. Her shoulders slumped.

“I think you thought you were doin’ me a favor, right? You thought you knew me better than I know myself, right?” There was an edge in his voice that he couldn’t keep out. 

Rae nodded. “I guess I did, yeah.”

“Rae, what am I?” 

She scrunched up her face in confusion. “I dunno what you mean.”

“I mean, if you were describing me to someone who’d never met me, what would ya say?”

Rae raised her eyebrows and shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I’d say you were the fitt—”

“Fittest guy in school, yeah.” Finn cut her off, finishing the sentence. “What else?”

“Well, um, you like music,” Rae said, lamely.

“Right. I’m one of the fittest guys in school, but I don’t do anything other than play football. I’m okay, but I’m not going to be in the sodding Premier League. I’m not in the gym trying to be fit. I just am. I like music, but I don’t really play any instruments. I’m no good with words. I’m an average student. I’m a bit of a grumpy sod.” He started off strong, but now his words were fading. “I’m nothin’ special, Rae, but you, you made me feel like I was.”

“Finn,” she said it before she could stop herself. “No, I don’t. I can’t. You’re so lovely and I’m just …”

“Rae, for the hundredth time today! Stop! Stop tellin’ me you ain’t worth anythin’. ‘Cause you were worth everythin’.” 

Rae broke down in tears at this. She’d been sniffing and wiping away individual tear drops, but now the storm had come, she was crying uncontrollably.

“All. I. do. is. fuck. things. up.” She took a breath between each word, trying to control her crying.

Finn reached out and touched her shoulder. He patted it to comfort her, but he was crying, too. 

“Can’t we try and … unfuck this?” Finn asked this in all seriousness. “Please, Rae. I miss you. Don’t you miss me?”

“Of. course. I. miss. you, you. daft. twat!” Her breath hitched between her words again and he slid around the table to put his arms around her. 

“So, what’s the point in avoiding me, then? Now you know I don’t want ya to?” 

Rae’s shoulders shuddered against his embrace and she mumbled, “I dunno,” into his clavicle. 

“So, can we try again?” He peered down at her, brushing her hair away from her face with his fingertips, looking to see what expression she wore. She was still crying, but her mouth and twisted up ever so slightly into the smallest of smiles. 

“Is that a yes?” he asked, hopeful.

She held her breath for a long moment, and then nodded. He grabbed her into a hug, one that she reciprocated.

The shrill ring of the bell startled them apart. They looked at each other in a panic for a second. Then Finn said, “Come on, you’ve gotten in enough trouble for that alarm. Can’t make you late to class, as well.” She stood up, wiping her eyes. “But this conversation isn’t over Rae.” She nodded, and he smiled and made her a promise: “To. Be. Continued.”


End file.
